Me first.

As much as I want to make this post about how I’ve always been afraid to be alone and since approaching 30, I’ve found a calming solace in being by myself, staying in on weekend nights, and texting myself my grocery list, it’s not that post (LOL) because I’ve never been that girl (no LOL). The thought of like, not having to readjust both my good hand-drying towels and the toothpaste in the bathroom cabinet has been just as exciting to me as tattooing Psalms 23 on the left pectoral muscle is to your local D-1 athlete. I pee with the door open, I talk to myself, I tell myself I’m gonna do something and I forget, and my leftovers are always there in the morning. It’s amazing, really, and even though these are small, insignificant examples, the more tactical implications of being alone are just as sweet. With each ignored text, I am learning more about myself than I would have by being under the armpit of someone who may or may not love me entirely for me, and I’m learning these things voluntarily — not because I was in a situation that compelled me to care far before I was ready to. For that, I am thankful.

Of course, love in union is a beautiful thing. I have witnessed pure, unadulterated, selfless love and it’s brought emotion out of me that I (truly) did not know existed. This kind of love — the right kind — is not only vital for our health, but beneficial as well. It improves our social wellbeing, our physical health, lessens the chance of us following the person who cut us off in traffic, etc. It’s important, it is, and so fun to experience when it is mutual and healthy. I would like to add that this beautiful union — this union of complete comfort, happiness, and acceptance — can also be found within yourself, and there is no need to force it with someone out of fear of solitude. Learning to love and care for yourself in preliminary ways are vital to achieve before unionizing with another person, anyway, and what better way to start than by spending time with you. You can give yourself compliments now, tell yourself when you need to rest, be proud of yourself, rationalize with yourself, make sense of yourself, etc. Trying to find these things in another person (read: depending on someone else to provide them for you) will not make sense and will provide the opposite outcome of what you’re aiming to achieve. You have to give you those things (it’s necessary for your health, really). It will be your greatest gift.

Loving you and finding that comfort in you will lead to the discovery of those traits in the one that you’re looking for. And if you’re not looking, that is amazing, too. We’re all on different paths towards what equates to happiness for us, but one thing that is essential no matter the path you’re on is love. Love of self and love of others. Acceptance of self and acceptance of others. Peace of self and peace with others (as long as they do not support or vote for Trump. I draw the line somewhere.). If you need a certain type of love from others, show that love to yourself. If you need comfort in others, show that comfort to yourself. If you need that happiness in others, show that happiness to yourself. You are worthy of union and solitude, and there is so much sweetness in both.

I hope this is encouragement for you if you’ve been feeling like you need to explore the idea of space, and if you’re already on the solo journey, I hope this serves as confirmation. Love in union is astounding, but union can be explored with yourself, as well. I hope you can internalize that, digest it, and apply it to yourself this week, this month, or this year. Nobody else will have you like you have you, anyway. Love her in totality.